Depression is such a lonely illness and rarely understood.
Darkness is descending, angst intensified
an overwhelming hunger for oblivion.
Floating to the dark side of the moon
hidden from the indistinct obscurity of life.
Cloaked in a lonely cocoon, living in shadow.
The catatonic state preferable to animation
with the obliging sanctuary of the moon.
A dire existence brings a strange contentment
waiting for the lifting of misty vapours of disquiet.
A short stroll, unaware of wonder
so alone and lost inside my mind.
I feel the pull of a gentle breeze
whispering softly, the trees interpret
through the rustling of their leaves.
Drifting onwards the sounds change
as each tree brings its own language.
A congregation, vying for my attention
standing in their majesty for one glance.
The noise intensifies as I pass by
I’m Inspired by the harmonious request.
Pausing, I admire their unique characteristics
an aged collection of natures beauty.
The breeze intensifies as I prepare to leave
enabling the trees, in unison, to bow.
Reciprocating I perform a bow of honour
with unexplainable contentment I bid farewell
The gentle breeze wraps itself around me
guiding me through a forest full of life.
Anger simmering, I try to block,
but fighting a losing battle.
Struggling to keep it within,
escaping, temper starts to rise up.
Past boiling, now molten lava,
prepared to singe all in its path.
Jolted into full throttle, the rant begins,
berating those who deserve no less.
Not stopping for breath; the tirade continues,
pointing out all the wrongs inflicted on me.
Eventually there is nothing left to stoke the fire;
with no steam rising I start to cool off.
My anger abated, but I was all alone,
the wrath directed at the invisible.
Arguments are only acted out in my head,
a release valve for my sanity.
The anger has hurt only myself,
then stored with the imaginary multitudes.
I am a young adult, I do not think
nor care about my choices
there are no consequence
I exist to please only me.
A selfish attitude finished
with an abundance of stupidity.
Slightly older; I already have regrets
blaming all except me for those choices.
Decisions affecting others, I’m unable
or not wishing to change direction.
My anger increasing, but not at myself
blindness still clouds my judgement.
Age now gaining pace, the rut set in
fully aware of what I have done.
Trapped and unable to move
wishing for another life.
But still nothing changes, I believe
I made my bed: so lie in it I must.
Much older, I sink to a depth of darkness
hitting rock bottom before I react.
My fingertips pulling me to recovery
knowing what I have to do.
Starting again: selfishness prevails
I do what is right for me.
Not able to change the past
but regretting the choices I made.
Building bridges with those I love,
for I am now accepted for who I am.
Self healing, I will learn how to forgive myself
bringing inner peace to a tortured soul.
What has been cannot be undone
what will be is the lesson learnt.
Choices we make are ours alone
making us who and what we are.
A cliff side vigil, full off contemplation
my companion the sea, otherwise alone
I feel and see the power in the foaming swells
hypnotised: deafened by the waves breaking.
Finally drawn in by the gravitational pull;
waves wash over me, cleansing my being
no more drowning in fresh air
as now I drown in the sea of souls.
Taken by the tides, stroked by soft hands
whispering lips brush against my ears
soft voices calming: deeply pervading
feelings of elation: a climax of passage.
Souls, lifting as one, return me to land
singing a farewell chorus: a sweet murmur.
Feeling cleansed, I remain still: spellbound
listening to the sea caress the root of the cliff.