I yearned to tell, but couldn’t actually execute,
not knowing how to broach the impossible
nor, in truth, being brave enough to do so
building imaginary obstacles, not able to breach.
Hiding behind my barricade permitted no honesty,
to live a lie, denying only myself the life I hungered,
plunging into an abyss, where darkness infected,
suddenly; the dark adjusted to light: I knew it was time.
My stomach knotted, the adrenalin surging,
thoughts controlled by an unreasoned mind.
The purpose forgotten, disoriented in fear,
inadequacy is overwhelming: for I failed.
Piteous endeavours forgotten, stepping back,
re-building my courage, I couldn’t falter or fail again,
more determined and controlling my fears,
success; a weight lifted: I am now me.